The female orgasm is submissive


I’ve been sitting on the following video for two weeks now, trying to work out the best way to approach it. It’s presented by Bettina Arndt, an Australian sex therapist, online dating coach, and now champion of men’s relationship issues. The video in question is titled, Bettina Arndt on today’s sex starved husbands, and needless to say, she gets everything wrong.

We don’t have to even get one minute into the video to realize that this woman has no idea of what she’s talking about. Like a hideous relationship destroyer, up bubbles the cringe-inducing word that scuttles all relationship help in its tracks:


As readers of the red pill manosphere know all too well, you cannot negotiate desire. By its very nature, desire is the opposite of negotiation. And yet here we have this self-proclaimed expert plowing ahead as she gamely positions herself to help men everywhere who are in the awful predicament of not being able to get their leg over with their own wives.

On and on she goes as she explains in torturous detail how she convinced couples to keep diaries so as to track how they negotiate their sex lives. The word comes up again and again. Arndt relies on the word almost as much as commuters rely on their smart phones.

The situations and examples that she describes in this video are nothing short of pathetic. Men groveling for sex, a wife informing her husband that he is allowed to have 50 thrusts as long as he does not jiggle the book that she is reading, husbands crying when faced with someone explaining their daily sexual misery.

And her brilliant analysis of these hopeless relationships? The reason why all of these wives don’t want sex with their husbands? Why, she relies on a great deal of documented research of course. It turns out that women’s libidos are very fragile things, like “damp wood” apparently, and it’s extraordinarily difficult to heat them up. She also believes that if both members of a couple want to fix the problem then it can actually be resolved, (red pill aware men know that this is very rarely the case).

All of the other sex therapists and researchers in the video that she quotes or refers to are also women. It’s a veritable battery of women who are out to save men and give them back some of their sex lives. Even Janice Fiamengo shows up in the comments to applaud Arndt’s courageous stance.

This of course is the main problem. As long as men listen to women then their problems will only compound and get worse. These long suffering men made their first mistakes when they listened to their wives. And yet here they are once again listening to a woman on the same subject. Don’t believe me? Scroll down and read some of the comments under that video, but just make sure you have a bucket ready at hand.

The true secret to all of this is the power dynamic. The key to this in the video is when Arndt mentions that these problems have been getting worse over the last 40 years, which coincidentally is the same arc of second and third wave feminism with all of its trappings of forcing men to listen to women, show them respect, earn their trust, consider their feelings, become sensitive and caring, and all of the other unmitigated bullshit which has done so much to cause misery for both men and women alike.

Arndt misses the true reasoning behind this, of course. In the last 40 years the power dynamic has shifted. Men are asking their wives for sex when in actual fact, in order to have a healthy sex life, it should be the wife chasing her husband for sex. Whoever needs sex the least holds the power balance, but this can only work harmoniously if it is in favor of the man.

This is to do with what men and women instinctively want out of a sexual encounter. Women want to be dominated and men want to dominate. Women can go on about how trust is so very important to them but as Roissy so eloquently puts it, that goes all out the window half an hour after she’s been picked up by a bad-boy biker in a pub and she’s having the best orgasms of her life while her legs are wrapped around the back of his neck. With nary an iota of trust in sight.

“Usually, when we restrict our range of options to women who are sexually unfulfilled, the men with whom these women have the most trouble having orgasms are the men women trust the most and know the longest: borefriends and hubbies.”

Bringing a woman to orgasm is a powerful act for a man. It signals that he has control over her. She is unable to control herself in bed with him and he has his way with her again and again until she is literally begging him to stop. There will be no evidence of book reading while this sort of thing is going on and usually she will have difficulty walking for a couple of days.

In other words, orgasms are not for women; they’re for men. An act of power and domination that function as a masculinity achievement. Don’t believe me? Well, there’s a study and everything.

A man who has entered a relationship and from the outset has attempted to be a “good man” and only respect his wife will quickly find that her libido dribbles out after a few months. She is not turned on by being in the position of power, with a groveling husband supplicating himself before her in an attempt to curry favor so that he may be gifted a quickie. For both sexes to be satisfied then this scenario needs to be completely turned around, and this can usually only be achieved with a fresh start, although in rare cases I have heard of husbands swallowing the red pill and turning their wives into suitable examples of sexual subservience.

But this sort of thing goes against the bread and butter routine of so-called sex therapists everywhere. And so we have women like Arndt who pushes her books and talks and all her other products as she deftly performs an act of seeming to have men’s best interests at heart while in reality the very best that could be said for her is that she is counter-productive.

That she is an enthusiastic supporter of the Red Pill documentary, an awful piece of drudge that I castigated here on its release, is not surprising. Contrary to popular belief, that film is not about men. Rather it is a story of a feminist’s “journey of self-discovery” as she attempts to reconcile her feelings with an inconvenient reality. If Arndt was honest then she would admit that her own motives are just as misguided. As usual it’s always about the women, even when they’re pretending otherwise.

The husbands in this situation though are not above criticism. Yes, they made a big mistake in gifting the power balance to their wives, but the fact remains that they are lazy in bed. If you’re not heading to the sack with the specific intention of making her orgasm again and again and again then you’re not doing your job properly. If it’s only about shooting your load then go and purchase one of those Japanese sex dolls. But if it’s about having a harmonious and satisfying sex life in a long term relationship then it’s a lot more than just getting her to say yes. You have to get her to say no and no and then no once again as she can’t take another one, it will just kill her, but then her noes turn to moans and you have her on the merry-go-around for another time as you relish in the power that you hold over her.

That is a sex life and that is the one and only goal that will guarantee that she keeps coming back for more. Make her orgasm against her will. She’ll thank you for it.

This article was originally published at, where Adam Piggott publishes regularly and brilliantly. You can purchase Adam’s books here.

  • entropy

    The fact that women don’t know what they want is a truism so prevalent it has become a meme.

    The fact that ‘no means no’ apparently needs to be constantly reiterated is further testament to the games that women play in relationships and in bed.

    Our thin veneer of cultural sophistication doesn’t overrule evolutionary urges that have been hardwired into our biology for tens of thousands of years. Although they are the only identity group on Earth who would claim that rape is worse than murder, the majority of women actually harbour rape fantasies. The research is clear on this fact.

    But beta women went nuclear about objectification and sexual harassment in what was essentially a political power play, and heterosexual relationships have suffered ever since. To this day psychotic victims and delusional feminists repeat oft-debunked myths about the prevalence of rape in the West, to the point where they unironically claim that Western universities (bastions of liberal feminism) have a ‘rape culture’. Years of this hysterical propaganda has had a chilling effect on all but the bravest and stupidest of men.

    No doesn’t always mean no, but it doesn’t mean yes, either. Men are left to learn the hard way when no means ‘no’, when it means ‘maybe’, and when it means ‘how much do you want me?’. And every lesson is an examination where fail means jail.

    Just another day in paradise with equal human beings.

    • Wide Awake

      I agree with everything except there being beta females. Women are not really classed as Alpha or Beta but their only value is their sexual value, which in the case of “beta’s” is extremely low.

      • entropy

        Exactly. Betas hate objectification because it never happens to them. It’s not supermodels whining about body image in the media, it’s fat chicks.

    • Dan Flynn

      So to summarize your point E:
      1) Many reports of rape in the West are false – it really doesn’t happen very often
      2) On the odd occasion when it does happen, the women actually wanted it
      3) On rare occasions when it does happen and the women did not want to get raped, she is a psychotic and delusional feminist.
      Is that about right?

      • entropy

        To summarise every comment you ever make, Dan:

        1) You didn’t understand the comment to which you’re replying
        2) You build a ridiculous straw man to mock it
        3) Look at how silly your straw man is.

        Good talk.

        • Dan Flynn

          I have to admit you are correct E, I did not understand your comment. Perhaps only those who subscribe to your views around women would understand. The way you think about this subject is indeed foreign to me. I am trying to understand it although my comment was pretty smug.
          I often wonder what kind of women you and Adam Piggott have known in your lives, they sure aren’t the same kinds of women I have known.
          Hope you going well.

          • entropy

            If you don’t understand something, just ask. Mocking your own misunderstanding isn’t going to achieve anything.

    • Personmed Ansikte

      Oh, they know what they want.

      Used to be, I believed that it was impossible to know what women want. If I offered A, they wanted B. If I offered B, they wanted A. If I offered a choice between A and B, I was forcing them to make an unfair decision. If I offered neither A nor B, I was being neglectful and unreliable. But then I realized the mistake was believing that they wanted A or B at all. What they wanted was the authority to *judge* what I offered, no matter what it was.

      Once I started viewing relationships thru that prism and adjusting accordingly, everything made a LOT more sense, I had fewer headaches, and life got a lot more tolerable.

    • Suaria

      A good part about a sex life is communicating to figure out what you both like. Don’t just focus on your pleasure and ignore your partner. Your first point just shows that women don’t know what they want because many men just focus on what they want out of sex.

      The fact that no means no is reiterated is to make men understand that they shouldn’t keep doing what they are doing.

      Just because women have rape fantasies, which is still consent if they decide to act it out with someone, doesn’t mean that they want to be raped. It more generally means they have a fetish of wanting to act it out.

      There’s no way of knowing rape statistics because many many people believe rape is still underreported for both women and men who have been raped or sexually assaulted. I’m in college. I know many of my female friends including myself who have been raped or sexually assaulted. They never wanted any of what happened to them.

      Lastly if a woman is going to play games with you as in playing hard to get, it isn’t worth it. From experience from seeing it happen, those types of women will keep playing games and will make your life miserable.

      • entropy

        I appreciate this reply, Suaria. It’s a very interesting topic.

        “The fact that no means no is reiterated is to make men understand that they shouldn’t keep doing what they are doing.”

        Men know what no means because men are not boiled vegetables. The point I’m making is that women wouldn’t have to keep reiterating the definition if they just acted like no means no in the first place.

        Pitch Perfect 2 was released in 2015. It’s a comedy aimed solely at women. I know this because it was on TV the other day and it was even more shit than I expected. In this film, Fat Amy turns down a sexual advance from a male character with an obvious wink. When the meek, confused suitor asks for clarification, she responds to the effect that the answer is “100% no! [stage wink]”.

        The target audience (women) is expected to find this funny because the female writer of this mainstream Hollywood film knows that everyone gets the joke.

        Obviously having rape fantasies doesn’t mean a woman wants to be raped. Just like men having rape fantasies doesn’t make them potential rapists. Obviously rape is bad and nobody wants to be raped. We all know this because we are civilised human beings and not animals. It’s probably not necessary to keep reminding people of such basic principles unless you’re trying to portray them as someone who needs to be reminded.

        “There’s no way of knowing rape statistics because…”

        Actually, there’s a very good way of knowing rape statistics. It’s called statistics.

        The issue you allude to is methodology. Using convictions isn’t the best method because of under-reporting, as you mention, and the legal burden of evidence. Using self-report surveys (the bread and butter of feminist victimhood propaganda) is even worse because of self-selection bias and because women are notorious liars when it comes to sex.

        One thing is certainly clear: that the statistics would be more settled and victims would be more likely to see justice served if other women didn’t regularly use false rape accusations as weapons against men. As a college student, I’m sure you’re well aware that all of the highly publicised college rape cases in the US in recent times have turned out to be hoaxes. I’m sure it makes you as furious as the rest of us and not at all likely to talk down false accusation rates in some misguided defence of women.

        Out of interest, I have personally been sexually assaulted by a number of women in my lifetime, starting when I was in school. I didn’t report it because I refuse to be a victim. [pauses to fist-bump other blokes]

        Lastly, games are a normal part of courtship for most emotionally healthy people. If I gave up on every chick who played hard to get, I’d still be a virgin.

  • Bettina Arndt is a well known crackpot from the 70’s.
    She wouldn’t know an orgasm if it tapped her on the shoulder and said hello.

  • Taylor

    I’ve never submitted to a man and I never will. My sex life is awesome. I’d never have sex with anyone who even pretended to have power over me.

    • Wide Awake

      That’s probably because no real man would have you!

      • Taylor

        That’ll be a real shock for my husband to hear.

        • Olaf Koenders

          Well if your boyfriend likes to be the submissive, of course your husband would be shocked.

          No matter if you’re happy or otherwise, it’s none of our concern who wears the strapon.

          • Taylor

            Has a relationship in which nobody is submissive ever occurred to you?

          • Olaf Koenders

            Not that I could tell. Depends on your definition of “equal”.

          • THIS

    • entropy

      Looks like #NotAll applies again. I should get that tattooed somewhere.

      Speaking generally, do you disagree that women are usually sexuality submissive? If so, you’re misinformed. If not, what is your motivation for trying to detail this conversation?

      • Suaria

        Tons of women say the missionary position is boring. You wouldn’t know that unless you actually talk to the woman you are having sex with about what is good.
        My boyfriend and I talk about what we like in our sex lives. I would say we have a good sex life because we communicate.

        • entropy

          ‘Tons’ isn’t a standard unit of population.

          If you honestly believe that women, on average, are responsible for anywhere near 50% of sexual effort in heterosexual relationships, you’re seriously misinformed.

          But you don’t believe that. You’re just trying to obfuscate the obvious point in some kind of misguided defence of women.

          • Suaria

            It’s really not that hard to talk about improving your sex lives or figuring out what your partner likes.

          • entropy

            1) Not the proposition in question. You are tiptoeing around the assertions made in the article, not disagreeing with them.

            2) No, it’s not hard… if your partner is a man. Early in sexual relationships, most women won’t discuss the mechanics, period. You figure it out from other cues or they’ll find someone who can.

            3) If you do talk about your sex life, most women say they prefer to be submissive. Countless studies have already compiled such data and the findings really aren’t in dispute.

          • Suaria

            I think it definitely depends on the person whether they are submissive or not. Most of the people I’ve slept with have been submissive. I’m more versatile. I don’t mind being submissive or dominant. It more depends on my mood at the time.

  • Personmed Ansikte

    Submissive? I’ve heard they’re also extremely fun, but more research is necessary.

  • What happened to working on mutual satisfaction together?
    What happened to the concept “complimentary gender”?
    Why has the focus shifted away from an effort to work together, toward distraction and segregation and the futility of ‘achievement being too difficult to bother with’?
    Oh yeah, internet happened and society was flooded with division memes.
    robots 1 humans 0