Protest Fail


This morning, like most Melburnians still in denial of the fact that deep down, they really are a hipster, I was in a café waiting for my order of a strong latte to be made, when two purple-haired land whales entered. They were both wearing black t-shirts with white writing, and the barista, who appeared to recognise them, asked if they were going to a protest, and it appeared they were.

Something like this..

I didn’t want to talk to them, but I wanted to know what their t-shirts said, so on my way out I looked at one of their t-shirts. It said something along the lines of, “Would you oppose a world without violence and rape?” or something.

The thing is, as we all know, the feminist approach to “violence and rape” is to lump a whole lot of unrelated actions, such as buying little Tommy a toy truck, going to the football finals, and looking at women, all together into a system of oppression which perpetuates “violence and rape”.

What I forgot is that to read her t-shirt, I had to, well, you know. Normally when a young female wear a t-shirt with writing on it, that is the whole point.

The purple-haired land whale physically jolted. Guess I should have thought of that. But, so should she.

Photo by Elvert Barnes

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David Hiscox
David has studied history and political science at Melbourne University. His thesis was written on how the utilisation of Missile Defence can help to achieve nuclear disarmament. His interest in history was piqued by playing a flight simulator computer game about the Battle of Britain, and he hopes to one day siphon the earnings from his political writings into funding the greatest prog-rock concept album the world has ever seen.
  • Darryl

    Mate, whilst you were reading the T-Shirt did you happen to notice whether she had nice tits?

    • No Shame

      You cisgender bastards are all the same. The Patriarchal hierarchy has inculcated a rapinous structuralist fault line in your subconscious Jungian world view. Apart from that I reckon they were round and droopy.

    • entropy

      They all look nice, because if they don’t they just strap fake tits over the top of them.

  • No Shame

    I wonder how many anti FGM, Yazidi sex slavery, gays off roofs protests she has been to…..but not for long.

  • David Hiscox

    Very impressed all, you are reminding me of the random postmodern essay generator with affection.

    • In the sense of the didactic, we must analyse characteristic themes of Bananawitz’s analysis of life on Mars.
      Marxist socialism that is not, in fact, desublimation, but predesublimation.
      A neocapitalist paradigm of context implies that narrative is a product of the sublimated female eugenicalistic
      collective unconscious, but only if consciousness is equal to sexuality.
      So, otherwise, Sartre’s model of subcapitalist nihilism is pure Moomba derived non sequiter linked Obongolongo
      theory, and therefore unattainable. Therefore, the subject is interpolated.
      Built into a symbiotic yoghurt Marxist socialism that includes culture as a totality.

      An abundance of discourses concerning preconceptual patriarchialist theory is evident in blue pantyhose.
      This may be revealed by undressing the paradigm.

      In a sense, Professor von Junkerbunker holds that we have to solubilise a female smuckerbunker in order
      to choose between Marxist socialism and the subcultural paradigm of consensus.

      • David Hiscox

        Mr Bucky, you win by the length of the straight.

        • Thankyou. I am a firm believer in the research of the esteemed Prof. von Junkerbunker, into the fascinating area of Psychobabble.

  • Gregoryno6

    “Read my T-shirt! Stop looking at my tits!’ One or the other, darling.

  • aussiegooner

    18C, my friend. You were clearly offended and humiliated because of your gender and race, so I have no doubt that Gillian and Tim are even now awaiting your complaint under 18C. I probably wouldn’t go the full $250K damages as it failed last time, but I’d say you’re due a cool $100-150K for being so traumatised when all you wanted was a caffeine shot. Shit, if you move fast Gillian won’t even tell the purple haired whales about the complaint until a day before it all goes to court!