Breaking: Koran endorses gay marriage


The Royal House of Saud has today made an extraordinary announcement to a completely stunned media gallery. Previously lost manuscripts have been newly discovered, and after months of exhaustive and top secret research by the best scientists in the Muslim world, it has been proven conclusively that they are the original work of mohammed, believed by muslims to be a prophet.

According to a spokesperson for the Saudi regime:

‘What ultimately convinced us that this was the genuine article, the real Makmoud, if you will, was that it was signed, both by Mohammed, who used an “X” because you know, illiterate, and by the Archangel Gabriel, who signed it “AAG”. We carbon dated it too, of course, so we can date its creation as some time in the early 600’s A.D. So, yeah, what more do you want?’

The newly discovered manuscripts utilised ancient materials to give it a rainbow hue. (Credit to Mo Costandi and Ryan Fletcher.)

In all, thanks to this new discovery, seven verses are expected to be added to the koran. Four verses appear to be turgid retellings of stories from the Bible and the Torah; a further two go into great detail explaining what islam is not, but are light on detail regarding what it is; but a seventh, which is making headlines all over the world, reads as follows:

‘If two men have sex, get married, want to have kids, who are we to stop them? Seriously, I hate women. I would much rather be with a man. Go for it, I say. Allah is ever merciful, so on and so forth.’

Already, the governments of several islamic republics, as well as the official Islamic State, have posthumously martyred several homosexuals executed in previous months, and more are expected to follow. Meanwhile, a spokesperson for the Australian Greens has stated, ‘See, this is what we have been saying about islam all along.’

It’s your XYZ.

Photo by Mo Costandi

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David Hiscox
David has studied history and political science at Melbourne University. His thesis was written on how the utilisation of Missile Defence can help to achieve nuclear disarmament. His interest in history was piqued by playing a flight simulator computer game about the Battle of Britain, and he hopes to one day siphon the earnings from his political writings into funding the greatest prog-rock concept album the world has ever seen.