The general attitude around the manosphere on the subject of marriage is that the modern man would have to be mad to even contemplate the very idea seeing as how badly the deck is stacked against him with regards to divorce, custody of children and the ongoing financial obligations that burden a man who finds himself in the position of being cast out of his own home because he doesn’t give his wife the tingles any more.
In the MGTOW community this attitude is written in stone, and for good reason; only not for the reason that those men think. That is because the men who inhabit the present-day iteration of MGTOW would be eaten alive in the average marriage. They think that they’re abstaining from the contract because it’s not worth their while, when in actual fact they’re avoiding it because they don’t know how to effectively manage a woman in the very short term, let alone in the long term.
The unsuitability of marriage for men today is a self-fulfilling prophecy. Since the 1970s, boys raised in Anglo-Saxon countries have been progressively taught that masculinity is inherently bad and that boys should be in touch with their feelings and display vulnerabilities. As Rollo notes, the education system is dominated by women who attempt to educate boys using learning methodologies that favor girls.
These boys grow into adult boys: they are not men and it is extremely important to underline that point. This is why the ‘soy boys’ slur is so brutally effective; it cuts to the very heart of the main problem. That problem is that boys in the main are not becoming men.
If and when these adult boys enter marriage they will almost certainly be eaten alive. This is because they will have chosen a woman who is inherently unsuitable but who appears to them to be the perfect choice due to their inability to view the world as a man. They view the world as children and as such they view the woman of their dreams as they want her to be, not as she actually is.
When these marriages fail in spectacular and ugly ways then these older, more bitter, but still adult boys complain and moan about the injustice of it all. Perfect examples of their ilk can be found in the men’s rights communities.
And in the end what lessons do they learn from their experiences? Do they examine their own behavior and the reason that things went so badly and conclude that if perhaps they had made the effort to make men of themselves, to become a real man, then perhaps things might have gone differently for them?
Of course not. They seek to cast blame. They avoid taking responsibility for their actions and cast around for a suitable scapegoat, (which is in of itself a character trait reminiscent of women). There are a few targets that they like to blame but right at the top of the list sits marriage itself.
The upshot is that marriage has been effectively demonised by these adult boys. They point to the horrible marriage statistics and the huge numbers of broken homes and cast-out husbands. And for any young man those numbers are indeed sobering. But the numbers don’t tell the story of the broken institution of marriage; they tell the story of broken men.
I was a broken adult boy. My mother cast out my father from the family home when I was only 13 and then spent the next 5 years demonising him to my brother and me. I have written about this in detail. But when I turned 18 back in 1989 I had a choice: I could remain a victim and blame the world for my ills or I could make something of myself. I chose the latter option and my first book Pushing Rubber Downhill is the story of that journey and the obstacles that I faced.
Which is why I have no time for adult boys who only seek to whinge and moan about how hard done by they are. By their acts they remain powerless. They willingly give away their personal power so that they may luxuriate in self pity. It is behavior entirely unbecoming a man which is one of the reasons that they were never men to begin with.
Do not listen to such people. They only seek justification for their misery and abdication from the responsibility of their present circumstances.
I went from blue pill beta to red pill alpha when such terminology didn’t even exist. I slept with scores of women. I had terrible relationships where I repeatedly made hideous and awful decisions. But the one thing that I always did was to take responsibility for my lot in life. And as a consequence I slowly learnt.
I got married to my wife in 2009, one year after asking her. I asked her to marry me barely three months after meeting her. This year we will celebrate our 9th wedding anniversary. In those 9 years we have lived in Italy, Australia, and now The Netherlands. It has been a stressful period, but not within our marriage. That has only become stronger.
I write this because it is important to have credibility on this issue. Rollo Tomassi has been married for over 20 years. He is another man who has made the same journey that I have. But if I look at my peers I know very few men who have made this journey. But of the ones who have, all of them have successful marriages.
A precondition of a successful marriage is that you have made a man of yourself.
People talk about the importance of game in marriage. Game is not important at all in marriage. But game is crucial before marriage. If you have no game and you get married then chances are that you will be divorce raped. This is because game itself helps to determine your frame in a relationship, and this frame must be in place from the very beginning. You cannot apply it retro-actively. It is possible to apply some parts of a frame to a marriage if a man becomes red pilled but not the complete picture. The movie American Beauty is about this process.
As a boy it is your responsibility to become a man, in spite of all the hurdles placed in your path. In fact, the hurdles help make the man. This responsibility is to yourself, but it is also to society. Marriage as an institution does not exist for men and women. It exists to protect and nature the children of such a union. As a man it is your responsibility to ensure that you are equipped as well as you can be in order to do your part to civilize and guide the following generation.
Marriage is very tough for men right now which means that the stakes are even higher. There is no point complaining about the decline of Western civilization if you have voluntarily opted out of the process because you find it all too hard. But perhaps this is as nature intended. After all, more than 80% of men who have ever lived have not passed on their genetic code through siring children.
And what if you do make a man of yourself, you find what you think is the right woman but you still end up divorce raped? There are no guarantees in life. If you want guarantees then join the Communist party. Men understand that and we still knowingly take the risk because that’s what men do. Adult boys unknowingly take the risk and then complain about the outcome.