I’ll have a VB thanks, mate

3

The Z Man has a post about how not to be a boring person. I struggled through to the end because I was so bored. Ha Ha! – I kid.

Anyhoo, people are not the only things that can be boring. Animals can be boring. I’ve met some very boring dogs. Cats are boring by default. When you meet a cat who is not boring it shines a light on all of the feline boredom that you have been putting up with for so long. Goldfish are probably the most boring creatures on the planet. A goldfish that bores the other goldfish must be very boring indeed.

Things can also be boring. Take beer, for example. Craft beer has been boring for a very long time now. In Australia craft beer began in the late 80s in Perth with the Matilda Bay Brewing Company. I worked for those guys for a while back in their glory days, (one of my first jobs), and they had some great beers. Redback, Dogbolter, Pils, Brass Monkey Stout; not boring beer at all. Honest beer for the honest wanker.

Craft beer has of course completely jumped the shark and is now almost beyond parody. Almost.

There are some great beers over here in The Netherlands but I find myself going back more and more to local supermarket staples. I refuse to describe the taste of these beers to you; it’s fucking beer, okay? What I will say is that beyond all doubt they do not have any floral notes, if you know what I mean and I think you do.

If I were still living in Australia I think that I would have to return to the real beers of my youth. Regular beers that manly men drank whilst doing manly things. Beers like VB.

If I lived back in Western Australia it would have to be something like good old Emu Export. Do they still make that stuff now?

Look at that; they’re cutting down trees and drinking beer and not a hippie to be seen. Those were glorious times indeed.

Fuck knows what I would drink if I still lived up in Cairns. XXXX, maybe? When I had my bar in Italy I put Fosters on tap. It was actually pretty good and I drank a fair bit of it. The locals didn’t mind it either. Good honest beer. For men who have a thirst. Maybe after beating up Antifa soyboys.

Someone with more editing knowledge than me needs to overlay this video with a VB-style commercial. Let me see if I can come up with something …

You can get it running, you can get it dodging, you can get it hitting a silly cow …

Matter of fact, I’ve got one now.

A hard earned thirst needs a big cold beer, and the best cold beer is Vic.

You’ll know how it feels. You’re throwing a punch, or feeling heads crunch, or trying too hard to swing first; you’ve sure got a thirst. A hard earned thirst needs a big cold beer and the best cold beer is Vic.

You can get it smashing, you can get it bashing, you can get it punching a face; I’ve sure got a taste.

I reckon it might be a hit.

This article was originally published at https://pushingrubberdownhill.com/, where Adam Piggott publishes regularly and brilliantly. You can purchase Adam’s books here.

  • Jai_Normosone

    I want to be the first to say that I want to see that new-age VB advertisement! 🙂
    I can’t say any more about the topic of beer as the old slogan was: “Instant Arsehole – just add alcohol!” I never needed the catalyst so I never started drinking.

  • John Sheppard

    I have reached a similar point on the craft beer question. Too many inner-city wankers are now far too involved in that world and I am just happy to sit back with my Carlton Dry cans. Like you say, it tastes like beer! No hint of passionfruit to be seen….

    Can’t help you with the ad, but this was my favorite edit (so far) of that clash in Portland.

    https://youtu.be/RGhANz6-1o4

  • Ariane