An independent body has recommended that the government regulate walking. This expert advice comes in response to reports that growing numbers of people are walking short to medium distances to work or other activities, as a cheap alternative to using government regulated, subsidised or owned forms of transport such as trains, trams and taxis.
In the words of the head author, ‘multiple independent choices made by free people undermine the ability of government to regulate things.’
The head author expanded:
‘What we are seeing here is an organic process, whereby innovation occurs in sectors of the economy not regulated by government, because they have an unfair advantage of flexibility and the ability to provide cheaper service which are not possible in government regulated sectors. It is the government’s role to move into these sectors and provide some regulation so that other regulated sectors of the economy are not disadvantaged as a result.’
The results of the independent body’s research can be found online in a document entitled ‘Intersectional architecture in a non-phallic multi-urban landscape; How language affects reality and effects change, and the myth of free will in a corporate dominated environment,’ in a 679 page document that has been described by one newspaper as ‘indecipherably turgid.’
In conclusion the head author reminded us that ‘the highly conformist act of walking along paths and fields which people didn’t build, instead of taking government regulated forms of transport, ultimately hurts the poor and marginalised, as it robs the government of taxable funds. Walking is, at its core, fascist.’