How to Make the Right Shut Up About Abortion Already


Just got back from the fully-funded month-long ‘Smashing the Patriarchy’ study tour of South America. And I don’t even speak Spanish, or Brazilian! I don’t even remember signing up for it, actually! Anyway, I arrived back in global-warming-afflicted Melbourne and read the news. And I read that Queensland has decided we are still living in the 1940s when it comes to abortion rights! I auto-expectorated my latte all over my copy of the Saturday Paper, let me tell you! And the jerks in the cafe wouldn’t even give me a replacement! They were probably alt-right pro-abortionists! Last time I’m going there!

Now, can we talk about abortion? Really? It’s 2017, people! This conversation has been had, back in the ’70s when medical research was not as advanced as it is now! We should never need to talk about abortion again! Everybody now knows that despite having being conceived by humans, having unique human DNA, growing, and being the first stage of human life, human foetuses are not human in any way, shape or form, and therefore have no human right to life and safety! (That is, unless their mother says the foetus is human. Only she can decide that.) Like, duh! Do you need a diagram for this? Foetuses don’t have rights! And even when they are a little older and they start to develop faces, they don’t have faces either! Only a perverted hate criminal with patriarchy-induced myopia would look into an ultrasound and see a face there. ‘Yeah, sure it’s a face, RWNJs! And I suppose there’s a face on Mars, too!’ (That’s me being sarcastic!)

What really blows my mind is that there are people who think that a girl or woman who’s had sex and then found out she’s pregnant should not have the right to destroy the foetus immediately and without any hindrance or moral, social or even health consequences! That’s like, a basic human right. Even the UN says so! And the UN’s been around since like the ’40s, so I think they have a bit of street cred on moral issues by now! Ya think?

But, I guess there is no rhyme or reason when it comes to understanding the mindset of the Right. Oh, will we ever be rid of them?

Anyway, because of restrictive, patriarchal abortion laws, there are still loads of girls and women whose lives are a living hell! They are made to feel guilty for ‘destroying’ their ‘offspring’; or when ‘abortion mills’ ‘sell’ ‘foetal body parts’ to ‘pharmaceutical and medical research companies’ for ‘money’! But why should they feel guilty about any of that?! Why should anyone feel guilty about pursuing a life of hedonism and destruction? Guilt is a patriarchal construct. All women/girls should have sex whenever they feel like it and abort whomever or whatever they please! Women and girls don’t need guilt trips from the patriarchy! They need to be put in a safe space and told over and over that they did the right thing! (Heck, they might even get a taste for doing it again!)

I thought, how can I alleviate the suffering of those poor women who just want to get an abortion in peace? Then, it hit me. I had one of the grad students from the Department of Inequality Studies make something to cheer up all those poor, victimised women. Ravyyn Darkchylde is currently doing a PhD on girls who cut themselves. The specific subject of her research is: why are white girls so over-represented in the ranks of cutters? Where are all the brown girls, and Asians? And more importantly, where are the males? It stinks of patriarchy oppression and white hegemony, and I am eagerly looking forward to Ravyyn’s research confirming exactly that, when the PhD is published some time next decade, or if not then in the 2030s.

Anyway, with great thanks to generous grants from friends of friends at Arts Victoria and the Australia Council for the Arts, Ravyyn Darkchylde came up with the below cartoon. Let it be a beacon, lighting the way to happiness and laughter in the face of the patriarchal oppression of antique 1940s abortion laws! Let this war on women end, and let abortion become normal! Come on! Let’s get to the point where we can all have a laugh about it!

Cartoon by Ravyyn Darkchylde.

I know, right? This is New Yorker quality. I think they would be ‘Ravyyn’ mad not to hire her!

You know, I was so excited when Ravyyn came to my office to deliver her cartoon, sat down, started sobbing about the abortion she had when she was fifteen, then headed out to the ladies’ room clutching a small black pencil case, that I decided to do a cartoon myself. This is based on a real episode from my life, people. It’s good to laugh about it now. Hey, I don’t pretend to be as fynny as say, a Will Andersyn, but I hope this makes you smile too:

Cartoon by Greenmyn.

Ha-ha, what a doofus I was! All true though, I assure you!

But back to the serious business of normalising abortion: What steps should we take next?

The first thing is that we have to assure all women who have an abortion that it’s GOOD and NORMAL. That it’s their HUMAN RIGHT. We have to do this ceaselessly. We have to tell them again and again that the feelings of guilt they are having are due to the PATRIARCHY OPPRESSING them. We need to STIFLE all dissent about this. 150m ‘no-go’ zones near abortion clinics are not enough. We should just jail anyone who is against abortion!

Maybe we could enlist Bill Nye, the Science Guy! He’s one of us. All he has to do is say that a foetus is not human. Then voila! People would believe him, because he’s a scientist!

Or, maybe we could go one step further. Let’s think outside the box, here, people! What about reinstating the Moloch cult? Then we wouldn’t be ‘having an abortion’, but ‘sacrificing babies to Moloch’, and engaging in a millennia-old religious custom! I mean, wouldn’t that make abortion more culturally acceptable? Nobody (on the Left) complains about Islamic or aboriginal religious practices, so why would they complain about Molochianism? Heck, we could have temple prostitutes, ecstatic orgies, the works! Time to par-tay, people!

Well, that’s just an idea from humble ol’ me! The main thing is that we have to do whatever it takes to make abortion normal. Remembering, always about the next goal. The next battleground: Abortion rights for trans-women.

  • Dom Inic

    Yes, the Greens are trying to introduce a Bill in NSW parliament this week to make killing innocent babies easier for everyone involved (all except the baby of course).

  • Richoz

    The father of an unborn child has NO say in whether the child is born or aborted because it’s “her body” and “her choice”. And she can end the relationship but have the child, deny him access but demand financial support! All because of the Patriarchy’s oppression of women!

  • Dom Inic

    Women who have abortions are often pressured to do so by men around them against their own will. The women does not have any “choice”.

    Below I have copied an open letter from Facebook to Dr Mehreen Faruqi, the Greens MP in the NSW Upper House. Dr Mehreen Faruqi describes herself as “an engineer, academic, and activist, working for social and environmental justice”. Apparently killing unborn babies is high on her agenda. The bill she is trying to introduce in Parliament would male abortion legal right up until birth.

    There are some things I agree with you on, but one I vehemently do not, is your Abortion Law Reform.
    I am one of the women who (now infamously) was coerced into an abortion by an NRL player. Since the abortion my life spiralled so far out of control I considered suicide numerous times. I became destructive, bitter, anxious and depressed. I was unaware that my behaviour was due to PTSD due to abortion and I was suffering from abortion grief.
    “My Body, My Choice” implies that women seeking abortion have choice. Statistically, 75% of women who have had an abortion did so due to lack of resources and/or coercion. Personally, I felt I had no choice and that’s why I had one. I remember the day of the abortion hoping the counsellor (loosely used label) asked me more questions so I was not allowed to have one. I was desperate for someone to save my baby because I was too scared to stand up to its father.
    Do I feel liberated as your law reform suggests?
    But let me tell you about someone. There is this little girl I know, she’s 6 years old. She is the most beautiful little girl I’ve laid eyes on. Just last night a teacher told me she was the most intelligent person she’s ever taught in her entire career. She loves gymnastics and swimming. That person is my daughter.
    Becoming a mother liberated me. She is my reason for living, she is my pride and joy.
    Your reform suggests that children are a burden. Motherhood keeps me alive Mehreen, abortion almost killed me. I would have ended my life if not for her.
    When I fell pregnant with my daughter the circumstances were also terrible. I am a “single” mother now and I still love every single bit of it.
    Have you stopped to sit with the women who had abortions and suffer tremendously because of it. Will you meet with me? Will you look me in my eye and tell me abortion is a privilege for women? Because I’d like you to, and then I can look you in your eyes and tell you that you are wrong. You are very, very wrong.
    You will lower the status of women. You will validate people like my ex partner who do not value women and their children. You will allow these types of men to continue to bully women right up until due date. You will take away the only safeguard some women have, which is not being able to have an abortion after a certain time frame.
    Oh and just to let you know, I am agnostic. I am not religious so this is not propaganda. I am an every day woman who wishes I at least got a “cooling off period” on my abortion to seek advice about it before making such a huge decision – just like you do when you get a home loan. A home loan carries more status than a human.
    Abortion is final. You can never go back on it. The regret for me is a jail term that is life long. I want to save another woman from this.
    My suggestion would be to stop wasting time and resources with your law reform and start figuring out the ways to help women keep their babies and know the joy that is motherhood. What about funding preventative programs or figuring out a better Child Support system than the one we currently have. Maybe we should have laws in place for men who coerce women into abortion?
    Those are just some suggestions off the top of my head that are actually much better than your Law Reform.
    Thank you for reading and please let me know when we can meet.

  • Ralphy

    A great read. Well done you. The bit about cutting got me thinking. I guess some males do cut themselves but if it is a predominately female thing, it must be just another significant difference between the sexes.
    (I know there are no longer any differences but I still persist in my white privileged, paternalistic, colonially based, jingoistic and exploitative attitude towards my fellow earthlings, trigger warning for my use of “fellow”).

    It can’t just be a depression thing as I’m told more men suicide than women. The comparison with cutting and abortion is a little Freudian too in some measure, to my very limited understanding.

    In my own list of failed dalliances I have been the subject of several scissored excisions from happy snaps by the injured party but have never been remotely interested in doing so myself. Not in the slightest, it’s a “check thang”? I wonder what happens now in the digital universe…. photo shopping? Are there group meetings now for “scissor withdrawal” ending with a favourite Johnny Depp movie?

    It’s a serious issue I know and shouldn’t be made light of but I really think it’s a worthy PhD project for some and may just be of some little significance to abortion rates. Better by far than the myriad PhD candidates studying the three toed, yellow speckled, Peruvian treefrog.

    P.S. love the avatar.