Obama – We do not yet know if I have testicles

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9982751914_3dd5702949_Obama-gayUS President, Barack Obama, has today spoken without vigour, in a lacklustre media conference in which he tried, half-heartedly, to assure the American people that he had ‘the best people on the job’ to determine whether he possesses a manhood. Obama, who identifies as a black, cis-gendered male, stated ‘we do not yet know if I have testicles.’

Asked if he had seen them recently, the man who turns up to what used to be the most powerful job on the planet said he ‘could not recall’ ever seeing them.

Massive US intelligence and investigative resources, including the FBI, CIA and the Coast Guard, have been diverted to the case and are currently following three main leads:

Firstly, whether or not Obama’s testicles have gone missing since assuming his current role;

Secondly, whether his testicles are so small that they cannot be seen with the human eye;

Or thirdly, whether he actually had any in the first place.

When asked for comment after the latest Islamic terrorist atrocity occurred, this time in San Bernadino, California, Obama was reported to have said, flaccidly, ‘I couldn’t give a pig’s a–.’

Photo by clasesdeperiodismo

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David Hiscox
David has studied history and political science at Melbourne University. His thesis was written on how the utilisation of Missile Defence can help to achieve nuclear disarmament. His interest in history was piqued by playing a flight simulator computer game about the Battle of Britain, and he hopes to one day siphon the earnings from his political writings into funding the greatest prog-rock concept album the world has ever seen.