The Wit and Wisdom of Clementine Ford

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Piggentine Pig.

As the hate golem of Australian Media, Clementine Ford, centres attention back on herself by rage quitting her day job, the question has to be asked, is Clementine a tad stupid?

Well…

Ummm…

Yeah…

This could be a short article.

Clementine certainly has shown little evidence to disprove this claim in the past, as her collection of witty insults clearly demonstrate. Her default tactic in attempted story based wit is similar in style to two BFF’s laughing at each other while recalling how a guy had attempted to talk to them the previous Saturday night and they had just ignored him (so funny), only with more swearing. A lot more swearing.

Now while the successful use of a Precision F-Strike, or indeed a Cluster F-Bomb, or both at once can feel, well, let’s be honest here, Totally Awesome, it is also pretty low on the belittling spectrum. Calling someone something Not Safe For Work usually only gets your immediate toadies to smile, while a truly cutting insult has the biting poetry to it that can when delivered make everyone in the room laugh.

Such an insult would be so conversation ending that unless the victim had their own rapier sharp wit on hand with which to fashion a reply they would be faced with only two choices. Either smile and attempt meekly to laugh along, or using a literal rapier, end the conversation by sticking it through the front of their skull. Laugh THAT one off, Poo Head!

(Fun fact – Real rapiers rarely carried an edge at all and could at best scratch as a slashing and cutting weapon. What they did have was a small cross section and a long blade, small enough that when thrust into the head with the full body weight of a lunging wielder behind the weapon it was absolutely capable of punching straight through the skull, ruining the brain, and killing the opponent. So if any reader is ever faced with a person brandishing a rapier, remember to duck.)

The problem with trying to use a quick wit is that by definition you need to be a pretty fast thinker, following the conversation closely and instantly processing and turning any offered openings. You need to be pretty smart.

Wit in its written form is a tad easier. The wielder has longer to select words and can take advantage of this to construct a true verse of discourteous mocking insolence. Easier, but still needing an understanding of language and a few spare yet motivated brain cells. To be generous, Clementine MAY have this skill, but even a casual glance at her Twit outpourings suggest that if she does, she is definitely being very restrained in using it.

So with things not looking great for her intellectual reputation, Clementine doubled down with one of the more stupid career moves ever by not only rage quitting her current main source of income, but rage quit her current main source of income while burning her bridges and then for good measure mining the river banks, poisoning the entire river and dropping a few nukes.

Brave…

Okay, like they say, bravery and stupidity are often the same thing, but out of politeness let’s stick with Brave for the time being.

However, we at XYZ do feel a mild desire to spell things out for young Clementine in regards to changing jobs. First up, when things start to go bad with the boss, never quit. If you quit you are making their job a lot easier. If they sack you then you have more power with the HR department. You may not actually have any entitlements, but at least someone will have considered the term ‘Unfair Dismissal’ before handing you your Don’t Come Monday.

If you do feel the need to quit – and yes, sometimes your job isn’t the best you could get – then make sure you are financially stable first. The most realistic way to do this is have another job lined up first. A cruel truth in the world is that people are always more attractive when they are already taken. No one wants to give a job offer to someone six months unemployed who probably needs retraining when they can head hunt some bright go getter from another company who is up to date in the industry and can hit the ground running. Not only does looking for work before quitting help maintain your cash flow, it actually makes you more employable.

Finally, and most importantly, do NOT walk into the boardroom in the middle of a management meeting and leave a steaming organic deposit in the middle of the table. Or if you must, at least take your shoes off first, you are not at home now thank you very much.

Not only is your industry very small, but thanks to the left wing globalist agenda, it is very small in multiple timezones. The simple act of moving to a new town where no one knows you is no longer an option.

While a positive reference may not be forever, good luck in ever living down a bad one. Do not tell your bosses exactly what you think of them. Do not declare exactly what you think of your ex-company, and, unless you either plan a complete career change or are about to marry into wealth, do not state that your entire industry is irredeemably rooted.

And while you are not doing all these things, absolutely do not do them via public social media, because that would be really stupid.

Still, we are sure that a long term professional like Clementine does know exactly what she is doing, and if worst comes to worst in her career she can always learn to code.

We’re Your XYZ.

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Zeitungsdunkel is an engineering professional who firmly believes in the clear separation between church, state and one’s personal Linked In profile. This writer dislikes being referred to as a hypocrite, preferring the term ‘shallow’ and being South Australian openly considers the rest of Australia to be filled with Convict Scum. Despite the pen name, Zeitungsdunkel cannot actually speak German, but once sat next to a phrase book that could.