XYZ Viewer Poll: Only 3% of booers are racist.


In the latest XYZ Viewer Poll, 1287 votes were cast in a survey that confirmed once and for all that only a tiny minority of people who boo Adam Goodes are racist.

When asked “Why do you boo Adam Goodes?” The XYZ gave people a prime opportunity, given the poll is anonymous, to admit to their own racism. That the figure was only 3% of total votes (and this this has been rounded up from 2.5!) proves that the vast majority of Australians are not racist. To those who would argue that many people don’t realise they are racist, we would point out that some people may have chosen this option to either take the piss, or to deliberately skew the result of an otherwise watertight and unbiased poll..

Our evidence suggests that the main reason people boo Goodes is because of his overtly negative and left wing political stances, with 22% of votes being for the answer “Because he is wrong when he labels the Australian Constitution “very racist,” and he has abused his position as Australian of the Year to do so,” and 16% of votes for “Because he is wrong about the outright negative, left-wing view of Australian history he promotes.” Perhaps if John Pilger or Julian Burnside were to play football, they may receive a similar response.

In a reflection of much of the buzz on social media, a very strong proportion of people are still incensed at Goodes’ handling of the issue that sparked the controversy a couple of years ago, with 19% of votes confirming he is booed because “he humiliated a 13 year old girl on live national television.” This appears to be a serially under-reported fact in what one might call “mainstream” discussion of the scandal, despite the efforts of Andrew Bolt, Rita Pahani, and The XYZ.

Only 14% of boos were for football related reasons, with 12% of votes complaining that “he is a stager and a sniper,” and a mere 2% acknowledging that “he is one of the greatest players of our generation, but he plays for the opposition.”

imageIt would appear that many people (26% of votes,) simply think that he is a “wanker.” It is this last fact that causes The XYZ to think that there may be a solution to this scandal which will satisfy all parties:

Designate more culturally appropriate methods whereby football fans can express their displeasure with Adam Goodes.

For example, if one feels, strongly, that Adam Goodes is a wanker, one can take a leaf out of the Bay 13 yobbos of the 80’s and start the chant:

“Goodes is a wanker!” (Repeat ad nuseum..)

If one objects to Goodes’ political views, irrespective of his race, one could use the chant:

“Just remember whose lands you are on,
The Government of Victoria’s!”

England’s Barmy Army have given the sporting world a great example of how to mercilessly and relentlessly torment sportspeople in their workplace, while remaining sensitive to their ethnicity, religious beliefs, and sexual orientation. If one is aware of the threat Adam Goodes poses to your side’s chances, you could try putting him off with an adaptation of the chant that sent the bigoted Mitchell Johnson into retirement:

“He kicks to the left,
He kicks to the right,
Oh Adam Goodes,
His set shots are shite!”

Obviously, plain old booing of Goodes is banned, as it is a clear sign of racism, but fans possess another option for when Adam Goodes blatantly shoves an opponent in the back, with the umpire too scared to penalise the Australian of the Year, and he comes charging, eyes wide in a War Dance, toward you. Obviously, you can’t advance en masse, as Rugby Union sides are wont to do against the New Zealand Haka, but you can be assured that one time honoured, and culturally appropriate response, (especially given its association with the culturally subversive punk movement,) will always suffice:

The two fingered salute.