XYZ: where leftists delete their own comments in embarrassment

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It has been a tremendous opening 6 weeks for The XYZ, which has burst onto the Australian media landscape like Steve Smith crunching a short ball to the square leg boundary at Lords. The online newspaper continues to produce an interesting mixture of provocative tabloid commentary on current events, and deep, insightful and philosophical musings on politics, history, culture and society.  “The XYZ Effect,” whereby the ABC has been forced into a series of missteps now that it has serious competition for public funding, has become a noticeable phenomenon in recent weeks.

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The XYZ regularly produces eye-catching memes, at least one of which has gone viral

As is typical of today’s world, much of the action has occurred on the XYZ Facebook page, which just yesterday passed 1000 likes. It regularly produces eye-catching memes, at least one of which has gone viral, and has attracted a steadily growing number of well informed and articulate viewers who have made an invaluable contribution to the character of the site.

Some of the most entertaining moments have been provided by various trolls who have peppered the site from time to time, and have relentlessly employed the timeless leftist straw-man accusations of “bigot,” “racist,” “homophobe,” “fascist,” and “nazi,” despite the fact that as Classical Liberals, the XYZ stands for the polar opposite.

When quizzed about this, one of The XYZ editors noted that “We think the left generally engages in a lot of projection. We find that leftists tend to be the sort of people who want to tell other people what to do, who believe that their every thought deserves attention, and that anyone who disagrees with them is either stupid, evil, or both. A cognitive dissonance occurs when someone defies their narrative, and they accuse their opponents of being a reflection of the darkest aspects of their own souls.”

The XYZ editor reserves special mention for one particular troll: “There was one guy in particular, his pseudonym was Eric but we think his real name might have been James, who in our first month devoted hours, often late into the night, to commenting on every single thing we posted. He disappeared a few weeks ago though. It is a shame. We really miss Eric. Our Quote of the Day just hasn’t been the same.”

Elaborating, the chiselled jaw of the dashing XYZ editor jutted out in pride. “It seems that this guy really wanted us to stop doing what we are doing. He pulled out the usual arguments that conservatives can’t do satire, because satire only works when you are punching up. But he gave the game away when he stated something along the lines of “The left are scared witless that someday someone on the right will come along and do what they’ve been doing (satire) and beat them at their own game. Thankfully, judging by the content here, the left has nothing to worry about.” We understood that what he was really saying was “Please, please, please don’t throw me into that briar patch.”

Others have demanded to know who is funding and backing The XYZ. Comments such as “Who’s paying you?” “You’re not satire, you’re stooges,” have brought tremendous joy to the XYZ crew, as it reveals the left’s inability to comprehend that someone could disagree with them without being in the dark employ of the omniscient villain that is Rupert Murdoch. Gloriously, many trolls have deleted their comments, a sure sign of the growing emasculation of the left.

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“We see The XYZ becoming the most divisive media organisation in the country.”

When asked where he sees the future trajectory of The XYZ, the handsome XYZ editor boldly stated, “We see The XYZ becoming the most divisive media organisation in the country. Although we expect to come into direct competition with the Murdoch press, we believe we can actually grow the demographic for which we are competing, by undermining and debunking many of the leftist myths which currently permeate our society. We eventually see Australia’s political scenery moving toward an environment where opposing parties compete with each other on the best ways to unleash the free market, to spend the least and to do the least. We envisage a society in which socialism, or whatever term socialists attempt to use to rebrand and disguise socialism, is no longer a legitimate political alternative.”

The future appears bright for the XYZ, and the future is bright for Australia.

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David Hiscox
David has studied history and political science at Melbourne University. His thesis was written on how the utilisation of Missile Defence can help to achieve nuclear disarmament. His interest in history was piqued by playing a flight simulator computer game about the Battle of Britain, and he hopes to one day siphon the earnings from his political writings into funding the greatest prog-rock concept album the world has ever seen.