Your tattoos are horrible


A reader asks for my opinion on tattoos.

“Tattoos.. what do you think of them? Is this an acceptable feature for the modern man?”

In a strange coincidence I had been contemplating a post on this topic only this week. Then I forgot about it, but now surreptitious chance has pushed it screaming to the fore for your benefit.

Let’s begin with the easy part of the question: tattoos on chicks.

Tattoos on hawt chicks are like shit smeared over an old master’s canvas in a real art gallery. The analogy is however not perfect because they can wipe off the shit and clean it up. I have never seen a tattoo on a girl that looks attractive, no matter how attractive the girl in question is. One of my friends is a tattoo fan on girls, (it takes all sorts), and he regularly posts photos on Facebook of hawt chicks with tattoos.

They are all, each and every one of them, spoiled goods. A young hawt chick with tattoos looks hot because of her youth and beauty, not her tattoos.

But tattoos have a recent benefit, since they became fashionable, of helping the modern man easily identify a woman who is prone to making poor choices. They are called ‘tramp stamps’ for a reason, sweeties. Thus as much as I deplore tattoos on women, I also am thankful for them for providing such an important service.

One day these chicks will be middle aged and then they will be middle aged chicks with tattoos. Which is akin to Saturday at school – no class.

Okay, so now on to the more interesting part of the topic which is tattoos on the modern man. It is important to note that the modern man is not a joiner, and nor is he a follower. The modern man also understands that something that is fashionable now will by its very definition not be fashionable at some point in the future. He also notes the permanent nature of tattoos, puts two and two together, and goes and has a nice glass of whiskey while his idiot peers run off and get tattoos.

The explosion in popularity of tattoos is directly linked to the incredible rise of narcissism in modern society. It is interesting to observe that the trend is becoming one of covering ones entire body from head to foot in ink, whereas before it would have been restricted to a few Dolphins on an ankle. As the total amount of individual skin available for tattooing is limited it is hard to see just where the next step on the narcissism train will lead.

In any case, modern tattoos are less about design, art and individuality as opposed to a gigantic dose of ‘look at me!’ This is beta behavior in a nutshell. The modern man is well aware that he lives in a society and that how he dresses and presents himself is extremely important.

“A man is a member of a tribe. You may believe that it does not matter how you dress, but it does. You may think that people should not judge by appearances, but they do. You might well consider yourself to be special and above the hierarchies of social status, but you are not.”

Tattoos are anathema to this ideal. Your tattoos do not define who you are but your proclivity to tattoo yourself does. As with women, ultimately a man who tattoos himself is a man who makes poor long term decisions and who is inconsiderate of those around him.

The modern man does not get tattooed.

Photo by efradera

  • clemilf

    excellent, to answer what is next- scarification, bizarre piercing, implants and LASER removal followed by “fresh ink”. You forgot to mention the petulant SJW “I am being discriminated against because of my “Horrible” and Bats Tatts on the forehead of a borderline. Technicaly only employable in a tattoo parlor I guess. “I now look like how I feel on the inside” borderline logic.

  • John Brown

    Excellent article. Tatoo’s and smokes on women even worse. Oh am I being sexist? Yes but I only look at women not men. Maybe I’m just queer, in the original meaning of the word of course.

  • baglady

    I can not stand tattoo’s they are just ghastly.

  • Grant Summers

    I totally agree, but it’s not as horrifying as a Scandinavian blonde breeding with an African. I can’t think of a more gratuitous act of vandalism than the destruction of such rare beauty.
    Sadly we live in a world where I am considered racist for being a true defender of minorities and racial diversity.
    It’s almost as though “diversity” is actually intended to eradicate the white western world…

    • W. Hunter

      Coalburners are race traitors.
      Diversity is a code word for less White people.
      Ergo: White = Bad. Choco = Good

  • Repeal fake marriage

    Pretty young kittys or fat old bats
    There’s nothing awesome about your tats.
    You may think you look so cool
    And over your tats the young men drool
    But believe me when I tell you now
    You look like a dumb arse you silly cow!

  • Earl Conner

    I’m fond of telling my young class mates: ‘I chose to be a rebel and NOT get any tats; you know, to be an individual and all’. Strains their feeble brains.

    • Ron Mortimer

      Nothing screams sheep more than tatts on a 20-30 year old. Way back they actually meant something other than wanting to follow the fashion.

  • Tele Synth

    Tattoos are forever, your ideologies aren’t.

  • bobzed57

    Great article Adam. A couple of examples. Me, I have a heap of tatts courtesy of my youth in the navy and cheap tatts in Hong Kong. Now in my early 60s, I’d rather have them off thanks. They have dulled and what they represented then is not relevant today. A windfall will see them gone. Second, about 10 years ago, my daughter (now in her late 20s) pissed off to Queensland to have a quasi gap year and came home with a small tatt on here neck. Mother and I were unhappy indeed, so I offered to have it removed when she tired of it. About three years later, she came a-snivelling asking me to shell out the coin and have the tatt off. Lesson learnt.

    I think, like me, a bunch of men and women will regret their decisions with regard tatts, so if your kids are smart enough, send them off to plastic surgery school, there’s a motza to be made.

  • Razorback

    My old man was in the Navy and used to say “The more tattoos the less brains”

  • Jai_Normosone

    Here I was thinking that I was the only one who thought like this….
    For all the value that tattoos provide and the cost of them, you are just as likely to get as much value in your life from them as holding the hundreds or thousands of dollars in your hand and setting fire to it.
    Besides, I go to work to earn money to pay for the good things in life. If money was that worthless and I had that little use for it, I’d be working for free instead of thinking that tattoos actually created some form of benefit for me.
    All they do is advertise how much of a cockwit you are.

  • switch1

    Tattoos are just a modern day fashion, but fashion changes all the time. Fur coats were once in, but in the main have long since been discarded. But when the tattoo fashion begins to fade, the tattoos etched on the once young and hip will not so easily be discarded. Causing much embarrassment and regret to the tattoos owner.
    The person who in the future invents a simple and quick way to remove a tattoo, or the chemist who sells drugs for depression are going to be much in demand and very rich.

  • It really shows either poor breeding or low intellect.

  • Pete Yarrow

    “They are called ‘tramp stamps’ for a reason, sweeties.” Or if you prefer
    Brit slang, ‘Slag Tags’. My Old Man who was ex Navy had a few tatts. I asked him about them when I was a kid, and he said that he regretted getting them. Also words to the effect ‘and if I ever I see you with tattoos, I’ll kick your arse until your nose bleeds.’ Dad’s tattoos became just indistinguishable blobs when he got older.

  • For the modern man, tattoos are often a misguided attempt to cheat their way to higher social status: Tattoos used to be associated with sailors and gangsters, i.e. real men capable of violence. Men who are neither sailors nor gangsters getting tattoos, are attempting to signal “I’m a potentially violent guy.” This may work on some women to an extent.

    Women, in turn, mistake what they find attractive in men (a signal of potential violence, i.e. ability to protect) with what men find attractive in women. They actually _do_ receive more attention for their tattoos, but not for the reason they think. It is purely because, as noted in this article, it signals to men that they are an easy lay.